Travails of a Budding Author

Werewolf Common Sense 12

2011-08-14T10:46:00.000-06:00

One theory postulates that the lycanthropy affliction originates from the unforgiving Arctic terrain. Legends pertaining to the “Lady of the North” describes the mother white wolf whose howl calls down a blinding tempest of snow and ice. The male werewolf's curious infatuation with fair ladies of flaxen hair and stormy eyes suggests a certain truth to this myth.

Where has the Summer Gone?

2011-08-11T23:25:00.001-06:00

Finally. Where has the summer gone?! Teen Summer Reading Program is officially over as of two weeks ago, which means that soon the little snots will be back in school cramming their little brains and I will be back to patrolling empty stacks and writing. Oh will there be writing. It's good to be back.

Vampire Common Sense 12

2011-04-02T20:10:00.000-06:00

In the unlikely event that a vampire coven grants forgiveness to insult, beware to follow proper protocol in accepting such a gift, lest one means to offend. Since that event has yet to occur, such a protocol is not recorded. Sympathy is offered to those unfortunate to be given a vampire's forgiveness.

Spring. Finally.

2011-04-02T20:08:00.001-06:00

And, I'm back. Sorta. As always, with this time of year, I'm crazy-busy combing through new YA releases searching for some excellent school visit material and trying not to think about how close Teen Summer Reading really is. Which is why I've been avoiding looking at my calendar.

So, where on Earth have I been? Well, staying warm during the winter months from that crazy arctic frost that made me glad I didn't actually go to college in Alaska and editing my manuscript. This is a project that I thought I had completed a looong time ago, only to look back and realize that it needed a bit of tweaking. So, I picked this document up, gave it a good dusting, and started polishing it for my critique group to well...critique. I'm hoping that it'll be done before fall so that I can incorporate the edits and begin the glorious process of submitting it for agents. Dun, dun, dun!

In the meantime, I shall make an effort to continue my paranormal tidbits and get things re-running around here. Or figure out some glorious angle in which to entertain myself. A bit of spring re-cleaning is in order. *dusts hands*

October and Vampires

2010-10-18T19:50:00.000-06:00

The best part about October is that all the teens come into the library for their paranormal fixes. Being the resident paranormal YA book expert in my library, I'm the one all the kids come to when hankering for those spooky or vampire-sexy reads. Or, the one that other staff members come running to as soon as the word "vampire" passes those kids' lips.

This year I've been recommending plenty of non-Twilight vampire books (Hey, it's what teens want) and several just plain spooky paranormal books. I find the top three young adult vampire series I'm recommending are as follows:

1) Glass Houses (Morganville Vampires, book 1) by Rachel Caine
2) Vampire Kisses (Vampire Kisses series, book 1) by Ellen Schrieber
3) Vampire Academy (Vampire Academy series, book 1) by Rachelle Mead

Of the above three, which ones are your favorites?

Do you "Tab" while You Write?

2010-09-25T18:57:00.001-06:00

While writing or editing, I always keep my internet browser open. In fact, my browser will contain a slew of tabs already connected to v. important websites. I do this before even attempting to open my Word Document--a lesson I learned after repeatedly interrupting a train of thought just to hop onto the internet.

So, which tabs do I have open at the moment?

-Dictionary.com
-Thesaurus.com
-YouTube.com (I'm in the mood for a song I don't already have on my computer)
-Google (it's open to a list of information on fire burns)
-Wikipedia (It's open to an article on tarantulas)
-Google Images (looking at tarantula pictures)

Which internet tabs do you keep open while writing?

I Blinked and Missed It

2010-09-20T00:00:00.000-06:00

Ack! This summer seems to have flown by--I blinked and seemed to have missed it.

Anyway, the best part about fall/winter is that this when I do most of my writing. Speaking of writing, this weekend I attended a Society of Children's Book Writers & Illustrators conference in Lakewood, Colorado. Thanks, to Kara for buying my ticket as my B-day/Xmas gift! *hearts*

Saturday had my first agent pitch and learned that I was freaking out for nothing. I came prepared with a three sentence summary of my YA and the agent took care of the rest with questions. Terri Clark offered me excellent advice--an agent pitch is the opportunity to get to know the agent as well. So, it's OK to ask question about what the agent represents, how involved in editing are they, how they prefer to communicate, and how involved in career building they are. Thanks, Terri!

Though the focus of this conference was geared more toward children's book than young adult, I actually learned quite a bit. Here's a summary of the more important points: 1) It's OK to contact your editor--they're working for you after all; 2) Agents and publishers are still accepting paranormal fiction--as long as it's unique and well written; 3) Be subtle in your writing--your readers are smart enough to ask questions and figure out key points; and 4) Write what you like--even if's not "cool" or popular."

What's next on my agenda? Updating the look of this place.

End of Summer Reading!

2010-07-26T18:23:00.001-06:00

Phew! This is the last week of the Summer Reading Program (or at least it is at my library district)--so readers of all ages, make sure to finish your hours and pick up some prizes (assuming that there is still anything left).

Prizes! Prizes! Prizes!

This summer has been a little hectic for me--not getting much done in the way of writing, but getting a lot of stuff done photographer-wise. Shot a wedding last month--woot!

Also, being on my library's Teen Summer Reading Program committee means that I've spent my days running around organizing statistic spreadsheets, coupons, book prizes, and homegrown programs.

After this Saturday I can rest easy and wonder what the hell I was thinking agreeing to be a committee member. Then I wonder what the hell I was thinking agreeing to be on the committee next year.

Hell, who am I kidding? I just love having input in this type of stuff.

Well, expect more updates in the near future.

Werewolf Common Sense 11

2010-05-31T22:09:00.000-06:00

Proper etiquette dictates that young women afflicted with lycanthropy be discreet in their withdrawal from human society. Families are swift and often merciless in distancing themselves from such a stain on their lineage. Ladies who are quick to explore the rustic Americas or attend boarding schools in the exotic Far East are suspects of such an unfortunate condition.

Vampire Common Sense 11

2010-05-31T22:07:00.000-06:00

A vampire neither dismisses nor pardons a transgression. Humans are strongly advised to research immediate family standings before requesting an audience with members of the undead. Lest one finds oneself the victim of a century's belated revenge.

Zombie Common Sense 11

2010-05-31T21:56:00.000-06:00

Contrary to popular belief, zombies must maintain regular sleep-like cycles. Finding rest among non-animated corpses, the zombie mimics a state of death making them indistinguishable in the carnage surrounding them. An excellent disguise for when the living seek the bodies of loved ones.

Top Ten Favorite Vampire Songs

2010-05-22T03:51:00.002-06:00

Gah! I tried to limit this to five but there are so many good vampire songs. So, here we have...
Leah's Top Ten Vampire Songs:

1) "Possum Kingdom" by The Toadies

2) "I Don't Care" by Apocalyptica <--Apparently one can rock the hair whip while playing the cello

3) "Join Me In Death" by H.I.M. <--Gotta love the eye candy in this one

4) "Building a Mystery" by Sarah McLachlan

5) "Vampires in Blue Dresses" by Margot and the Nuclear So & Sos

6) "Vampires Will Never Hurt You" by My Chemical Romance

7) "Love Me Dead" by Ludo <--Cute and quirky

8) "Slept So Long" by Jay Gordon <--One word: Lestat

9) "Vampire Love" by Ash

10) "Vampires" by Adam Ant <--When you're chillin'

And, because I can't resist: "Vampire Girl" by Deaf Pedestrians

Werewolf Common Sense 10

2010-05-18T23:34:00.000-06:00

Research suggests that females dominate in nearly all pack hierarchy decisions. With the looming threat of high mortality rates, males find themselves submitting in hopes of winning a mate or merely placating the female Alpha. The age of the dominate male werewolf is quickly coming to an end.

Vampire Common Sense 10

2010-05-16T14:03:00.000-06:00

Vampires are secretly coveted among the affluent. Families fortunate enough to claim relations to one are guaranteed to enjoy the envy of their peers.

Zombie Common Sense 10

2010-05-13T23:22:00.001-06:00

Only when the last living being breathes its last will the undead turn against their own. Their insatiable hunger fuels the last cataclysm, finally shrouding this world in an endless silence.

Werewolf Common Sense 9

2010-05-01T10:24:00.000-06:00

The recently dramatic practice of "Silver-Bride Suicides" leave the female werewolf population at an all-time low. As is such, females are fiercely protected by the pack and almost always tucked away from sight.

Vampire Common Sense 9

2010-04-29T21:51:00.000-06:00

To spite is human.

To grudge is woman.

To malice is vampire.

Zombie Common Sense 9

2010-04-25T23:04:00.000-06:00

It is assumed that the zombie population is void of any, if all, communication. Harsh utterances and low grunts are vocalized in nonsensical patterns indicating a lack of language. A recent resurgence of organized zombie attacks leave many questioning the validity of this belief.

Last chance...

2010-04-25T22:43:00.002-06:00

Today is the last day of Velvet's Werewolf Weekend. Make sure to check it out.

I'd also like to give a special shout-out to Velvet for hosting such an awesome event and sharing my wonderful Werewolf Common Sensicals with you guys.

Thank you!

Stay tuned for more of my Common Sense tidbits and have a great weekend, everyone.

Top Five Favorite Werewolf Songs

2010-04-23T22:37:00.001-06:00

There are plenty of werewolf happenings at vvb32read's Werewolf Weekend, so make sure to check it out.

Speaking of werewolves, here are...

Leah's Top Five Favorite Werewolf Songs:

1) "Werewolves of London" by Warren Zevon

2) "Smashed to Bits" by Death in June

3) "Forty Six & 2" by Tool

4) "American Werewolf in Calgary" by The Browns

5) "Werewolf Weather" by A Radio With Guts

List your top five favorite werewolf songs in the comments section below.

Don't miss out: "Werewolf Weekend" at vvb32 reads

2010-04-21T12:13:00.004-06:00

Can't get enough of our favorite furry friends? Need a dash of lycanthrophe with your morning coffee? How about an entire weekend?

Make sure you stop by Velvet's Werewolf Weekend at vvb32 reads. This event is taking place April 23-25 so you've got two days to get ready for the awesomeness.

There'll be werewolf books, werewolf giveaways, werewolf discussions...Be prepared for some major werewolf action!

Werewolf Common Sense 8

2010-04-19T19:05:00.000-06:00

The volatile lifestyle of the werewolf leaves females prone to miscarriage if not barren. Desperate for offspring, one finds that the children of the pack are actually human babes swiped from the cradle.

Vampire Common Sense 8

2010-04-12T13:41:00.001-06:00

The vampire's skillful maneuvering of society's pleasantries is like watching a properly executed waltz. The ebb and flow guided by only the subtlest of motions is guaranteed to enthrall the vampire's target. By the end of the dance, entire kingdoms are only a whisper away.

Of Blocks and Conferences

2010-04-09T23:11:00.000-06:00

Yes, it is possible to beat one's writer's block into submission. And once that bitch is down you write nonstop until it reappears with a vendetta and heavy artillery back-up. No time for descriptions or proper grammar. Just write.

I'm working on a new piece that randomly appeared in my subconscious. It was similar to one of the those moments in a horror movie. You know, the one where a looming figure keeps darting behind the protagonist and they suspect that something is there but every time they turn around the figure is gone? Yeah, these characters kept making subtle appearances at work. A voice here. A joke there. Was that a face? Now I'm trying to piece everything together and see where it's taking me. There are no vampires or werewolves but there are witches and a dog. Let's see how this turns out.

Tomorrow is also the annual Colorado Teen Literature Conference—a whole day of local author panels and YA book seminars. Ah, my idea of heaven. To anyone who happens to be going—make sure to drop a word. I'll be the one with tangerine tinted nails and drool on my chin. Drool may or may not be related to lack of sleep.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Before the Sewing Machine...

2010-03-18T12:25:00.001-06:00

I have learned early on that not all goals are simple to achieve. Sewing a skirt is apparently one of them.

In my goal to sew two pieces of fabric together, I must journey across dangerous terrains in order to gain the valuable skills to complete such an impossible task. Let me share my journey thus far.

After discovering that I enjoy torturing myself with sudden impulse-driven hobbies, I put my journalistic sleuthing skills in search for the perfect machine. Then I learned that it was easier to just ask. My lesson: If an expert is available, it's OK to leave your computer and find someone who has experience. Sure, that means social contact, but it's acceptable when said social contact saves you several hours of research, sells you a great product, and tells you the exact dates when said product is marked for sale. Cha-ching!

My first task of acquiring the torture-inducing machine was complete. Did I mention that it was on sale? Right, on with the story...

Immediately after purchasing my sews-through-nine-layers-of-denim machine, I refreshed my textbook skimming skills--yes, the very ones that got me through college--by flipping through the instruction booklet. Then I learned that no matter how many different angles I squint at a diagram, some booklets are not intended to be read. Oh, and it's silly to turn down a free sewing class. My lesson: Putting aside my pride is OK if it means learning how to not break my newly acquired sewing machine. This lesson is particularly valuable if all that skimming happens to be absorbed and it means a certain someone quickly becomes the teacher's pet of the free class. Yes, the ego-boost was definitely worth it.

Now, one would think my adventure ends there. Sewing machine? Check! Learning how to use said sewing machine? Check! Place to use said sewing machine? Oh, hell...

Yes, owning a sewing machine and learning how to not break it is completely pointless if you have nowhere to use it. So, I was back to researching affording sewing tables and what works best for my sewing needs. Then I rediscovered oxymorons and exactly how cheap I was. My lesson: If I'm going to sew clothes, what's learning how to do one more thing? Like, woodworking?

Yes, dear readers, you have read that correctly.

I'm going to build my own sewing table from scratch and I sincerely hope this isn't a mistake.

Wish me luck.

New Talent? Maybe!

2010-03-11T15:47:00.002-07:00

After a long and exhausting debate with my brain, I've decided to pick up a new hobby. It's one in which I've experienced briefly during high school and much enjoyed. Nope, it's not stalking the lacrosse players. It's not sulking due to lack of prom date, either.

It's the fabulous art of sewing!

Yes, I'm re-learning how to sew in an attempt to create brilliant clothes in which to clothe myself. Why? Because I'm broke. And, because I'm too picky with the current 80s-revisited trends that manage to clash with my fashion sense. And, because skinny pants bring to mind my childhood, which is just wrong.

So, I bought my machine (a Viking Emerald 116--sturdy for a great price. And, it can sew through nine layers of denim. Nine!) and finally graduated from Sewing 101 (a two hour class on machine parts and how to not make your machine explode or get a needle in your eye). Now I'm ready to--damn! I need a sewing table. And more pins. And some fabric.

Well, I'll report back when I manage to finish my first project: a skirt.

In the meantime, how does this relate to writing? It doesn't, though it gives my brain a rest during times of writer's block--like now. Also, I can somehow implement sewing into character development. And, in a worse case scenario, I can always write sewing mysteries. The Case of the Bloody Bobbin. Or, Basting Stitch Serial Killer.

Yup!

Take A Look At the Flowers

2010-03-03T14:28:00.000-07:00

The past several weeks have revolved around me writing and researching for said writing (with a little bit of reading thrown in). It's slow, but it's getting done--which is what really counts.

It's times like these when I'm so focused on the finished product that I don't enjoy the journey. Chapters become struggles for ideas. Characters become faceless stereotypes.

Today is a reflection of the writing journey. To quote a wise husband, I need to slow down and look at the flowers.

Happy writings everyone.

Zombie Common Sense 8

2010-02-18T19:30:00.000-07:00

The zombie's awareness centers around its prey and means in which to attain tasty morsels. Emotions such as love or hate do not exist.

Werewolf Common Sense 7

2010-02-12T23:35:00.000-07:00

The week before is one marked with irritation and emotional highs.

Nights of the full moon are punctuated with physical anguish.

And, the days following? A recovering comatose state.

One is not surprised that rates of suicide are high among this particular group of creatures.

Vampire Common Sense 7

2010-02-06T20:16:00.001-07:00

What a vampire doesn't know can't harm him or her. The presence of holy items are of no distraction as long as they remain out of sight.

Then again, vampire culture dictates that such offensive items be removed from one's presence. It's only polite, after all.

"Tweet Like A Zombie Day"

2010-02-04T20:05:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Velvet over at vvb32 reads, I've just found out that today (February 4, 2010) is "Tweet Like a Zombie Day."

Don't believe me? Well, read this.

And while tweeting for the occasional brain, make sure to check out Velvet's blog for your daily dose of paranormal yumminess.

Enjoy your braaaaaaaaaaaaains.

Awards! Hugs!

2010-02-02T23:39:00.000-07:00

I'd like to give a special shout out to Stef over at 52 Weeks of Wordage.

Stef has given me a "Superior Scribbler" award, saying that I'm a "very funny, entertaining read." *blushes*

Make sure you check out her post, and see the other award winners.

Thank you, Stef! *hugs*

Yes, Starbuck. I know it's cold outside.

2010-02-01T18:32:00.003-07:00

Cameron. Me. Starbucks drive-thru. Need I say more?

Cameron: Let's see...we'll get an Espresso Truffle.

Me: Venti! Don't forget it's a Venti. *pokes Cameron*

Cameron: Venti.

Me: Espresso truffle, yeah.

Barista: Venti Espresso Truffle, anything else?

Cameron: And I'll get a...hummm...how about a Grande Caramel Frappuccino?

Barista: Frappuccino?

Cameron: Yeah, caramel.

Barista: Um, sir? You are aware that it's snowing outside, right?

Cameron and I peer up at the snow falling on the windshield.

Cameron: Yeah.

Barista: OK. Just making sure. Anything else?

A Little of Getting to Know Me

2010-01-30T18:39:00.003-07:00

You guessed it. You get to learn 10 new things about me:

1) Favorite Jim Henderson Creation: Oscar the Grouch! “I'm Oscar the Grouch, fuck you.”

2) Nail polish color: Black—which means dark purple with enough layers, bee-otch.

3) Hair style: Shaved, a little under one cm now.

4) Favorite Music Video: “Disturbia” by Rihanna.

5) Currently Researching: Dragon nesting behavior.

6) Current Cellphone Ring: “Poker Face” as sung by Eric Cartman on "South Park."

7) Comedy or Horror: Both!

8) Favorite TV Show: “Dexter, Season 1" and “Firefly.”

9) Bed Sheet Color: Turquoise.

10) Tattoos: Sorely lacking. Can't even keep my nail polish color for longer than a week. *snorts*

What about you? Post your answers in the comments section below.

Zombie Common Sense 7

2010-01-28T16:45:00.001-07:00

The recent tradition of human zombie walks have been an excellent feeding ground for the undead. The ability to camouflage with the costumed masses have resulted in many a feast, barring the occasional outbreak. This is most unfortunate for parading humans caught unaware.

Updates. Finally.

2010-01-27T09:39:00.001-07:00

Updates:

1) I'm back to writing a new novel. See Kara's post about what the hell I'm doing to get motivated.

2) I found out that whenever a hot female is in the same room with my protagonist, they will suck face at some point. This is also true for any hot males in said room.

3) I'm still posting-sorta. Apologies for being lax--I'm optimistic that this should change in the near future. Enjoying my Common Sense tidbits? Well, there is a lot more coming your way.

Also, I'd like to take a moment of silence for our beloved family Brittany, Meg. A true beacon of light and love, she is deeply missed. To quote Cameron, "She was the best dog ever."

Guys, this is the third year in a row that someone close to me has died. I'm handling this one better than the last two, but it still sucks.

The ironic part: My New Year's Resolution was to have no one close to me die this year. Next year, maybe, but not this year. A little unrealistic, I know. Well, since this resolution didn't last long, maybe I can aim for it next year. *sighs*

Werewolf Common Sense 6

2010-01-22T23:11:00.000-07:00

Lone werewolf survival skills involve complete integration with the human masses. The local packs take care to seek such loners and quickly eliminate the threat. Often authorities find themselves explaining such situations to weeping human widows.

Vampire Common Sense 6

2010-01-16T16:05:00.000-07:00

A vampire is always early.

Vampire culture dictates that all is well as long as one arrives in good health. When time is never of the essence, tardiness does not exist.

Zombie Common Sense 6

2010-01-07T10:10:00.001-07:00

It is theorized that little happens in the zombie's mind. Most assume that the zombie thinks in a string of incoherent babble often repeating key words such as "brains" or "hungry." Purists believe that the zombie mind functions similarly to that of a rabid animal's--a vessel of basic instinct and unfettered emotions. However, prior zombie behavior has indicated a higher intelligence--how much is yet to be discovered.

Werewolf Common Sense 5

2010-01-06T10:39:00.000-07:00

Things of a silver nature are strictly avoided by werewolves. Homes lacking in fine silverware are often under scrutiny as well as ladies who decline silver gifts. A savvy werewolf is wise to avoid suspicions by mingling with the less fortunate crowd.

Vampire Common Sense 5

2010-01-05T18:27:00.000-07:00

Of foods to avoid, vampires are keenly aware of prey with garlic diets. The polite vampire will excuse oneself in search of less lethal prey. Others might kill out of shear spite.

Happy New Years

2009-12-31T23:46:00.000-07:00

Woohoo!

Wishing you all a fantastic New Years! Oh, and many great reads and many great writes.

Cheers!

Zombie Common Sense 5

2009-12-27T21:31:00.000-07:00

Zombies are most often accidentally sired by other novice zombies. The experienced zombie will not make such mistakes.

Belated Christmas Wishes

2009-12-26T19:58:00.001-07:00

Greetings and a Belated Merry Christmas!

My plate has been full lately so I've been adorning this blog with various paranormal tidbits. I'll probably continue on with such quirky pieces until I get bored or my workload lightens. Whichever happens first.

Until then may you all enjoy a good read and relax. Oh, and don't forget the holiday sweets.

-Leah

Werewolf Common Sense 4

2009-12-23T19:54:00.000-07:00

The week leading to the full moon is one of uncontrolled outbursts, extreme irritability, and insatiable hunger.

Werewolves are wise to remain home during this time of unrest.

Vampire Common Sense 4

2009-12-22T11:56:00.002-07:00

A vampire is quick to learn that while he or she is dependent on only one type of sustenance, the form in which such sustenance takes has unlimited possibilities.

The emergence of cafes specializing in sugared blood pastries and blood bisque are quite the rage.

Zombie Common Sense 4

2009-12-21T22:24:00.000-07:00

Zombie's first lesson: One cannot afford to be selective with one's food. Prey preferences are immediately dispelled once infection reaches epidemic proportions.

Man, woman, child or beast--all are fair game.

Werewolf Common Sense 3

2009-12-20T16:11:00.000-07:00

The average werewolf's lifespan is 32 years.

Consistent dominance struggles is a leading factor for such shortened lives. It is argued that the werewolf's expectancy to die young results in reckless behavior–a self-fulling prophecy, if you will.

Vampire Common Sense 3

2009-12-19T16:18:00.003-07:00

Afflicted with the inability to see one's reflection, vampires have cleverly maneuvered this handicap by adopting "Renfields" or human servants.

A human servant's primary purpose is to ensure that their master is looking his or her best at all times. The better to catch prey with...

Zombie Common Sense 3

2009-12-18T15:33:00.002-07:00

The novice zombie's penchant for announcing his/her arrival long before actual appearance allows prey time to flee. Such tactics nearly always result in limited hunting success.

With a heightened awareness, the intermediate zombie muffles simple shuffling and grunting noises until prey is within sight. While this may surprise unsuspecting targets, sensitive prey are prone to escape.

The experienced zombie remains silent until prey is easily within reach. A sure kill is guaranteed.

Werewolf Common Sense 2

2009-12-17T10:16:00.000-07:00

A werewolf's physique is built for strength and speed. Though werewolves work hard at keeping such uncanny attributes hidden, accidents do happen.

Careful monitoring is necessary when dealing with their feeble human counterparts.

Vampire Common Sense 2

2009-12-16T11:25:00.000-07:00

Restrictions of a certain nature...

Practical vampires will make sure to be situated away from mirrors. Intelligent vampires will make sure to be situated behind the camera.

Zombie Common Sense 2

2009-12-15T21:53:00.001-07:00

Zombie survival instinct dictates that speed is necessary for locating untouched food sources. Stragglers often find themselves prone to skirmishes and starvation.

While the average zombie scouts locations such as shopping malls and concerts, the exceptional zombie hunts along sources of water and suburban areas.

A Vampire, Werewolf and a Zombie...

2009-12-13T20:15:00.003-07:00

Because I'm in the spirit and because I was just accosted by a group of Dickens Carolers, I'm providing you with a very thought provoking poll.

Which of the following are you more likely to find hidden among a group of Dickens Christmas Carolers?

Werewolf Common Sense

2009-12-12T09:11:00.001-07:00

Basic werewolf instinct dictates that our furry friends remain close to unsupervised prey.

Given their inability to ensnare through flattery or exceptional dress, the werewolves have adapted their feeding grounds near college campuses. The better to snag unsuspecting drunken college students in the wee hours of the night...

Vampire Common Sense

2009-12-11T14:28:00.000-07:00

Any sensible vampire knows that an enticing fashion sense is necessary to draw in delectable prey.

To dress well means to mingle in certain social circles. Ones in which the stress free prey are raised eating only the best in organic foods.

Zombie Common Sense

2009-12-09T10:29:00.000-07:00

Even a zombie of unreasonable sense know to remain indoors when the temperature is below zero.

When found in such a state of weather, zombie body parts will snap off at alarming rates. Even rotting tongues remain fixated to frozen telephone poles with or without a zombie head present.

Unpleasant, indeed.

Freezing...

2009-12-08T12:40:00.003-07:00

Too c-cold to type.

F-fingers F-f-frozen!

Need hot ch-chocolate.

N-n-now.

When...

2009-12-08T00:06:00.000-07:00

When you have a story idea, even a vague one, but the timing is not right simply jot down or type as much of it as you can. There are two possible benefits to this: 1) You don't forget your awesome idea. 2) You focus on your current project without any distractions.

Rough Drafts are Shit

2009-12-06T19:13:00.001-07:00

It's true. Your rough draft is allowed to be pure shit.

Sometimes my rough drafts are nothing but run-on sentences, pages of dialogue and absolutely no descriptions. And three possible chapters are crunched into one super long one. And there are plot holes and the story structure doesn't make sense. And, and, and.

And it's OK.

That's because you want to get the idea written on paper first. Worry about the rest of the stuff later.

Oh, and I'll let you in on a little secret: no one ever sees the rough draft. Ever.

If anyone saw my rough drafts, they'd try gouging their eyes out. Serious.

Getting Involved...

2009-12-05T20:00:00.003-07:00

I had a very good question in my comments section and decided to post my answer for today's topics.

Basically, the question was about how one goes about being an author and getting people interested in one's work. Well, I'm not an expert on this subject but I might be able to shed some light...

The first thing aspiring writers/authors should do is research. Regardless of your novel's status, research. Research, research, research.

Check out websites like AgentQuery.Com. This particular website is an excellent source for finding agents (a must have if you want to get published) and it has great articles on basic how-tos (i.e. how to query, what goes in a query letter, etc).

Also, read agent's blogs. I follow quite a few agent's blogs that you can see through my profile--check them out. Most of those blogs have sections somewhere on the sidebar describing the query process, the publishing process, and other important information. And, they are in the industry so you'd better listen to what they have to say. You don't have to become an active participant, but with a few months of lurking around and reading their prior posts you'll learn the basics about what you need to know.

As for getting people interested in your writings and aware of who you are: network. Start a writer's blog, if you don't already have a website. Make sure you also Tweet/Facebook (and follow other writers), attend conferences, network with other writers and aspiring authors, guest blog, submit articles or short stories in magazines (online or otherwise) and participate in writing competitions (i.e. #Tworror)...

And most important: never give up.

I write during my free time. Sometimes I get writer's block and don't write for a weeks at a time. Othertimes I write non-stop for days. I maintain a personal life. I pursue other interests in my free time--yes, writers are allowed to do that. And, I have fun writing. Being in a desperate hurry to publish and opting for shortcuts (instead of researching) can do more harm than good. And, I'm not just referring to one's writing.

So, write, query, network, write some more, and repeat.

These are my thoughts on the topic. I'm interested in other suggestions. Make sure to leave comments below...

Critique Groups...

2009-12-04T08:52:00.000-07:00

Are Like Blind Dates.

You go in not sure what to expect and give it a test run. Or two.

Let your group/partner know that you're not looking for something too serious. Just testing the waters.

Oh, and be prepared to bail in case your critique group is too ______(fill in the blank)_____.

"It's not you. It's me."

When it's cold...

2009-12-03T22:59:00.001-07:00

It's freaking cold outside and I couldn't help but to think about paranormal habits.

My conclusions:

1) You'll most likely see increased zombie activity. The cold does an excellent job of preserving them.

2) Werewolves will most likely be snuggling in warm puppy piles. I know I would...

3) Vampires would be indoors. Though the cold wouldn't bother them, they'd follow the food. And, considering that I'm grouped in the food category, I would most definitely be indoors.

Sometimes...

2009-12-02T00:18:00.002-07:00

Sometimes a writer will be hounded by fantastic story ideas. When the time comes for choosing one, pick the story you're most passionate about. Write a page or two and see how it flows. If you find your thoughts drifting to another story idea, try that one, instead. One will stick.

Monday...

2009-11-30T15:06:00.001-07:00

My Muse went on vacation to Aruba and forgot to take me with her!

Now I sit and write horrible haiku.

Haiku for the Day:

Here I sit sighing.
Tequila shot no helpy.
Wait! Is that-? Nope. Sigh.

Show Me The Magazine!

2009-11-29T14:43:00.002-07:00

Following along the same lines as snacks, magazines can tell me quite a bit about your protagonist. In a little getting-to-know your character exercise, what are the five magazines your character has strewn about his/her home? Or, if they don't have a home, what are the five magazines they would look at in a market?

Is that World's Hottest Men I spy? Queen's Vegetarian? Or Gelkin's Monthly Mushroom-Fly Breeder? How about Blood Analysis Medical Magazine?

Sometimes it's the small details that reveal a lot more about your protagonist. Telling us that your character is vegetarian? Boring! Having your character scoff meat at dinner followed by a dialogue of everyone's eating preferences? Meh. A description of a living room table overflowing with stacks of magazines, the top one being the latest issue of Edible Plants--The Poison Edition You're Not Supposed To Know About? Awesome!

Five magazines you'll see in my home:
1) The Writer
2) Popular Photography
3) Muscle and Fitness
4) Writer's Digest
5) Everyday with Rachael Ray Magazine

Thankful Friday

2009-11-27T21:54:00.003-07:00

I really thought I was going Black Friday shopping, but when it came down to waking up in the morning or staying in bed, sleep won. However, I did head to Best Buy later in the afternoon and purchased Assassin's Creed on PC for five bucks! Woot! Five bucks.

And this leads to today's list.

Five Things I Like In A Video Game:

1) Action and adventure.

2) Cool graphics. I like my protagonists hot, too. The exception to this rule is Wind Waker--too cute!

3) Storyline. Must. Be. Interesting.

4) Challenging. I get bored with farming. Big time.

5) Puzzles. But, once they get Alundra or Resident Evil II Tofu Box hard I'm done.

And with Legend of Zelda in mind, enjoy this awesome YouTube parody. Hilarious!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-26T19:28:00.001-07:00

Wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving!

May you stuff yourselves full with turkey dinner numminess--can't forget the delicious desserts either. *wink*

Thanksgiving Paranormal Style

2009-11-25T11:56:00.007-07:00

It's another paranormal Wednesday and our paranormal friends are sitting, where else but around the Thanksgiving dinner?

We have Jacque the Terror at the head of the table. A stunning 350-year-old, he flashes the ocassional fang in the flickering candle light. Blaine Gore, Alpha of the Wolves, is at the end of the table. His glossy white coat casts massive shadows by the fire. And then there's Dead Pete. He stands in the middle of the table. His index finger falls off. Dead Pete groans in hunger.

Dark eyes skim the feast of human flesh. The bowl of floating eyeballs. The creamy toe dip with crispy baked skin of back. And then there are the platters piled high with thighs and arms. A moan of pain echoes from somewhere along the table. Dead Pete reaches out and strokes the brown locks on the human head.

"Now, now," Jacque says. "We must give our thanks."

Dead Pete grunts, drool dribbing down his chin.

"First I give many thanks to the beautiful women," Jacque says. "Especially the brown haired beauty that blessed me with the gift of eternal life, may she rest in peace."

"I thought she was still undead," Blaine says, white brow furrowing.

"She is," Jacque shrugs. "But she's vegetarian. Gone is the angry wrath of evil I so adore."

"Ah," Blaine nods, licking his pink snout.

Dead Pete gurgles.

"Of course," Jacque continues. "I cannot forget to give thanks to the wonderful guests who have joined us in the feast. To you, dear guests. Thank you."

Blue eyes flutter open. A woman's shrill scream answers the vampire.

Dead Pete smashes the head. The screaming stops.

They tuck in.

##

Happy Thanksgiving Eve everyone!

Advice Part III

2009-11-24T09:45:00.001-07:00

In other words, experiment.

Remember the comics?

2009-11-23T19:34:00.000-07:00

When I was younger I always had my favorite comics. I read the newspaper just to follow them and I looked forward to Sunday just to read them in color.

My top ten favorite comic strips (in no particular order):

1) Luann
2) Penny Arcade
3) Rhymes with Orange
4) Baldo
5) The Buckets
6) Herman
7) One Big Happy
9) Calvin and Hobbes
10) Cathy

Advice Part II

2009-11-22T21:51:00.001-07:00

Continuing my advice from yesterday.

If you're really, really attached to your awesome plot line and can't get yourself to part with the damn thing despite how unmotivated you are to write it in the first place, consider changing your protagonist's personality to the polar opposite of what you originally envisioned. See if that jump starts your novel.

Advice

2009-11-21T20:32:00.000-07:00

*Warning: advice may or may not be helpful*

If you have a story idea, no matter how awesome it is, and find yourself struggling to write one measly page, maybe it's not ready to be put on paper. Keep it in the back of your mind and find something else that inspires you.

List Friday

2009-11-21T00:49:00.000-07:00

Another one!

I got a new phone several weeks ago and just bought a memory card two days ago. What does this mean? Ringtones!

This Week's Ringtones:

1) Gossip Girl Theme Song--XOXO.
2) Dexter DVD opening credits--creepy but awesome.
3) South Park--Cartman playing with himself "all day long."
4) Arrested Development's "For British Eyes Only!"
5) The Pierces' "Secret"--Can you keep it?

What ringtone is on your phone?

Beta Skills

2009-11-20T01:21:00.001-07:00

What to look for in a beta or critique partner. Or, at least what I look for.

1) Is knowledgeable about proper punctuation, grammar, and spelling. And willing to research nuances like "cancelled" and "canceled."
2) Understands author's tone of voice and author's vision and keeps that in mind while editing.
3) Is not afraid of honest critique and gives it well--even if it's major ones like storyline or character changes.
4) Compliments and/or encourages when they see something they like. A simple "Nice!" will work.
5) Is able to explain what does and doesn't work and reasons for suggested changes. None of this, "This is stupid, change it" nonsense.
6) Isn't pushing an agenda--that includes editing a story just to find out what happens before anyone else does.
7) Works quickly. I'm not saying editing an entire novel overnight but three months is way too long.
8) Edits for content. That means taking note if something doesn't flow right or facts seem off, and not being too lazy to research. No "check date" but I'm OK with "are you sure it's 1959, some sources say 1960?"
9) Is able to dedicate the proper time and effort for author's fiction--that means not juggling ten different authors at the same time. Conflict of interest.
10) Is willing to continue long(er) term and re-edit after initial changes are incorporated. Though this one isn't necessary.

What do you look for in a critique partner?

Protective Spirits Totally Paranormal

2009-11-18T21:25:00.000-07:00

Protective spirits, also known as guardian angels. According to Norse mythology, every person is assigned a Fylgia which watches over them throughout their life.

With humans having muses, fylgia, the deceased and whatever else watching over us, does it get a little crowded? What if a muse and a fylgia have a disagreement? Does that explain bad hair days?

Hummmm. *Goes off to ponder*

Perfect Is Boring

2009-11-17T22:30:00.001-07:00

Your protagonist. Your baby. You labored for hours and hours. Creating it, forming it, shaping it, and placing it in a very special world you've made just with your baby in mind. You watched it stumble and fall and grow and learn.

Yes, I know. It's easy to make your protagonist perfect. They're your baby, right?

But perfect protagonists are soooooo boring.

No one likes them. No one likes the goodie-two-shoes, remember? Who the hell wants to read about one? *snort*

So, what do you do? I'm not focusing on mental or neurotic problems today, but make sure you give him/her at least one physical flaw. Because everyone is physically flawed and those flaws make your character relatable, even likable.

Physical flaws that I've used in recent writings:

1) Freckles--at least a noticeable dusting on the face, neck or shoulders.

2) Moles (aka: beauty marks)--put a distinct one somewhere on the face. No, it doesn't have to be gross.

3) Near- or farsighted--Harry Potter, anyone?

4) Scars! Maybe a split lip or chicken pox scar.

5) Allergies--especially when they break out in hives.

6) Crooked teeth--not everyone can afford braces or remembers to wear retainers after braces.

What physical flaws do your protagonists have?

Humor--I Think Not.

2009-11-16T22:38:00.001-07:00

I'm suppose to post a humor tip today but I'm too excited. Why? Because I just received my first place Tworror contest prize: a Starbucks gift card!

Eeeee! *dances*

Now I'm in a state of the ultimate coffee nirvana. A really delicious espresso truffle coffee nirvana.

And you will all celebrate with a hilarious Twilight parody YouTube video. Muhaha! Enjoy.

On Snacks

2009-11-15T19:13:00.004-07:00

I want to know your protagonist/antagonist better. Tell me what (s)he likes to munch on. When hungry, what delicious booty will (s)he return with after a kitchen raid?

Health conscientious? Popcorn--no butter, no salt.

Sweet tooth? Cherry cordials and a large Pepsi.

Maybe, (s)he is craving milk with which to enjoy fried children's fingers.

Don't underestimate the power of food in fiction. A snack will tell your readers more about your character than you'd imagine.

What I'm enjoying this very minute: buttered microwavable popcorn, dark chocolate Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, and a large glass of pulp-free orange juice.

Always research

2009-11-14T11:55:00.001-07:00

It's always a good idea to research. Always, always.

Even if you're writing a fantasy with imaginary rules that only apply in your mind and in your world and there is nothing to research. Even if it takes place in today's world involving todays teens and you already know everything you need to know about living in the 21st century.

Why?

Because you never know when you'll learn something and your writer's brain will be inspired to think, "What if...?"

Yesterday I was in the middle of my on-again, off-again YA zombie research when I came across a sentence that made me say, "Cool! What if...?"

Only, the "what ifs" kept going and going and going.

And now I've just done screwed myself over with an idea for a possible sequel to said YA zombie fiction.

*shakes head*

If you're in need for a creative kick in the ass, I've got one word for you: research.

Friday List Day

2009-11-13T15:44:00.002-07:00

It's another List Friday and my list for this week is...

Leah's List of Why Being Sick Sucks:

1) You can't focus on anything other than how much everything aches and how much you're feeling like shit. Bye, bye to any progress on your latest manuscript.

2) You suddenly realize that you forgot to buy more soup since you were last sick. Blast!

3) You whine a lot and nothing helps, except that dose of NyQuil which just knocks you out.

4) You most likely have already gotten everyone else in your household sick, which means that no one is well enough to listen to you complain.

5) When you wake up, you still feel like shit.

6) You know that you have to go to work tomorrow. *cries*

Leah's Guide to Blogging About Nothing

2009-11-12T19:41:00.001-07:00

The key word is nothing.

Not sure what to blog about? Tired of your usual book reviews and writing tip posts? Not inspired to be creative or get on your soapbox?

Try one of the following instead:

1) A random and possibly hilarious dialogue. Best if dialogue was said in real life. For example, "Were you just sticking your nose in my ear?"

2) Hilarious pictures and/or Youtube videos. Because we all like being distracted.

3) Make a compilation post, complete with links, to everyone else's blog posts. They do all the hard work. Muhahha!

4) Random lists of things you should be doing, want to be doing, will be doing or simply like doing. Or just a random list.

5) A one sentence update of your writing status/accomplishments. For example, "Wrote one paragraph. Woot!"

6) Poll. You only need to think long enough to come up with a question. The readers take care of the rest of it.

7) Type a random incomplete sentence. Readers will think it's thought provoking and

8) Find a random fact and share it. Or link to it, if you're too lazy.

Bloggers, list your Nothing Post Tips in the comments section below. What do you do?

Mythological creatures

2009-11-11T19:05:00.001-07:00

As mentioned in prior posts, I consider mythological creatures as a part of the paranormal category. Or, at least enough that I wouldn't blink twice if vampires mixed with such nonsense as hydras and half-god offspring.

Two interesting creatures, I've come across are Teumessian fox, a giant fox that's "destined to never be caught," and Laelaps, a giant dog who "never failed to catch what he was hunting."

Put the two together and BAM! You get an eternal contradiction so bad, Zeus has to turn them into stone and cast them forever to the stars.

Somehow I like this tragically beautiful ending. Actually, I love all Greek mythology--it's the ultimate soap opera.

Maybe I should have more characters forever fucked because they're fated with a paradoxical destiny...

Write

2009-11-10T23:10:00.001-07:00

Another awesome article in The Writer's November 2009 issue is "Writing applications could help your reach your NaNoWriMo goals" by Susan Johnston.

In this article, Johnston reveals several websites with tools that encourage writers to do what they do best. Write. Write, like you have a fire under your ass and it's killing people.

The first one that caught my attention is Write Or Die. You set your word count/time goals, and depending on the mode, watch as the screen goes red and blares music or starts deleting your characters. A guaranteed way for you get your word count for the day.

The second application that seemed interesting is Dark Room. It basically takes up your screen and turns it black--leaving you only with your words. No more distractions from the Internet. It's only you and your mind.

I'm considering using both of these apps for my next YA novel, which I'm in the process of daydreaming about while trying to finish up with my zombies.

If you're familiar with these apps, I'm interested in hearing feedback below. Or, share other awesome writing apps below.

Humor--Pop culture

2009-11-09T19:52:00.002-07:00

Making fun of pop culture trends and celebrities is hilarious. Why? Because it all goes back to making fun of something successful just to feel better about ourselves. Sick, right?

If you're looking to get a quick laugh, this is definitely the way to go. In fact, go all the way.

However, I would not (I repeat, not) recommend pop culture jabs in fiction.

That's because it's the number one way to outdate your book, and outdating your book is the number one way to ensure that no one will buy it later down the road. (Unless you wanna make a quick smash-and-grab parody knock off. Then by all means...).

No one--especially teens--wants to read about something that was cool five years ago (i.e. Pirates of the Carribean or Lord of the Rings, anybody?).

And if it was popular a decade or more ago, forget it (i.e. N*Sync--remember them? What about pagers?). The teens of today will have no idea what you're talking about. Seriously. Last week I had to explain to a 12 year old what those "cassette things" were on our library shelves. Which will certainly not attract them to your book. Unless that is your goal. A How To Not Attract Teen Readers book.

Anyway, here a recent pop culture reference clip I found on the Penny Arcade website. Enjoy:

Setting

2009-11-08T23:14:00.002-07:00

I got the latest copy of The Writer (November 2009 issue) and was fascinated by the cover story "Step by step: Power Your Story With the Sense of Place" by Philip Martin.

This article gives 10 excellent tips for creating stronger settings within your stories. The most valuable tips include picking a POV in which to describe the settting (i.e. a dog would describe his home different from a human), describing the unique aspects of your setting (i.e. Does your sofa have chew marks on it? A coffee stain? Maybe a missing cushion?), and using setting to create a mood (i.e. cloudless sunny sky versus a dark stormy night).

It's a great jumping off point for those that don't usually describe settings in their stories...like me. Rarely do I describe settings in my rough and first drafts. Instead, I'm too busy trying to get the plot and dialogue down--unless the setting has something to do with furthering the plot.

Now that I'm working on my YA second draft, guess what I'll be focusing on.

Words of Encouragement

2009-11-07T22:01:00.002-07:00

It's easy to get discouraged and low self-esteem-y about writing.

There are times when everyone thinks, "Do I suck? Is this crap?"

Or, "Am I wasting my time?"

Usually that's the point in your thought process when you call up your best friend, or nudge your boyfriend/husband awake, and ask them if it's true. And, of course, they reassure you that you're great and wonderful and to keep at it.

But, sometimes it's not enough.

Let me tell you what I do to encourage myself.

1) I read really crappy fiction and get angry. Justing knowing that I can do better is motivation in itself.

2) I enter in writing competitions and see if I can win. That means someone thinks I'm doing something right.

3) I read my writing to teens. They'll be honest about what they like...and don't like.

4) I reread the favorite parts of my manuscript and think about all the things I'm doing right in that scene.

5) I remember why I'm writing. The thrill and excitement of storytelling.

And, if all else fails, I call my best friend or wake up my husband and talk. Whichever comes first.

List Friday--Finally!

2009-11-06T16:27:00.002-07:00

Yays! Another List Friday. I spent all week looking forward to this and now I have no idea what to list.

Lemme think...

Ten Things I'm Doing Instead Of NaNoWriMo:

1) Reading Harry Potter fanfiction. I know. I'm addicted. Blast you, Drarry!

2) Scoping new blog backgrounds. A new banner can only entertain me for so long.

3) Editing my YA. Seriously. I just took a week break to mull.

4) Watching my favorite TV shows. Dollhouse, Lie to Me, GG, Dexter, Smallville...

5) Sleeping. Because that is necessary to the YA mulling.

6) Shopping online for striped socks and colorful tights. Because you never know when you'll need them.

7) Eating donuts. And lots of them.

8) Shopping online for sassy boots. My kitty cap is in need of complimentary footware.

9) Research other people's questions. Goes hand-in-hand with being a librarian.

10) Feeling guilty about not participating in NaNoWriMo--for the third year in a row.

What are you doing instead of NaNoWriMo?

Cheating and Research

2009-11-05T23:56:00.004-07:00

So what do I do when I'm eagerly anticipating my List Friday and it's only Thursday?

I cheat!

Welcome to my I Can't Wait For List Friday So I'm Making a List Now post.

Muhahaha!

However, in order to honor the sanctity of List Friday I'll make sure today's pre-list is a short one. Only three items. Honest.

Today, I'm inspired by the interesting research questions I get as a librarian. I get questions from erectile dysfunction (imagine assisting a shy college student with books on that topic--especially when he refused to tell me what he was looking for and I had to guess) to insurance risks and sea turtle breeding season.

Top Three Most Interesting Topics Researched Today:

1) Harajuku Fashion. Specifically how to dress in such a fashion. I want to go to Japan. *heart*

2) Flowerhorn fish, otherwise known as Hua Luo Han. Apparently they were really popular a couple years ago.

3) Charities involving buying a goat for an Africa village, such as Heifer International. I like the idea of a goat buying meter.

Housekeeping. Because It Needs To Be Done.

2009-11-04T22:57:00.002-07:00

Exactly.

As the title suggests, I'm in the process of house cleaning. Now that it's cold outside I can't get away with dirty dishes and stinky trash like I use to during the summer months. Hint: Make sure you're never home.

So, while I'm scrubbing, that also means that it's time for some blog housekeeping. Namely, in the form of a new banner! Woot!

That's me with my kitty cap and Elvis sunglasses. *points* Special thanks to Cameron Collins, my awesome photographer. *hugs*

What is happening in the blog-o-sphere, peeps?

1) There are plenty of online book-related contests--make sure to scour author websites and book review blogs. You'll never know what you find. For example, the 2009 Debutantes are giving away 43 books to one lucky library. Seriously.

2) There are also plenty of online writing contests. Make sure to check out the Young Adult Discovery Contest happening during the month of November. If you're 13 or older, all you have to do it submit your snappy title with the first 250 words. Incomplete manuscripts are welcomed. Winners gets to submit their manuscript to an agent and get a free 10-week writing course.

3) NaNoWriMo. Like I needed to tell you.

4) For more awesomeness about the steampunk, make sure to check out Velvet's vvb32 reads Weekly Steampunk blog posts.

5) Love fairy tales? Check out Misty's Book Rat Once Upon A Week--Fairy Tale style!

6) Don't forget the #tworror competition. (I'm still so excited). Check out the winners on page 5 here: http://www.fullmoonpressonline.com/FNOctober2009.pdf

Oh, laundry's done. More blog stuff later.

Make sure to post your competition/give-away links in the comments section below.

Vampire Cross Species

2009-11-04T11:17:00.003-07:00

Tired of the same old vampire?

Does the drop dead sexy get you down? What about the impeccable fashion sense and glitter?

No worries!

Your view of vampires are to be changed forever. Instead, consider the following:

1) Elfpire--Vampire Elf. Think Legolas with fangs.

2) Merpire--Mermaid Vampire. These creatures crave human more than their land-walking counterparts.

3) Vamtuar--Centuar Vampire. Beware the hooves.

4) Faypire--Fairy Vampire. Forget the hypnotic gaze, it's the fairy dust you gotta worry about.

5) Nymphpires--Nymph Vampire. Perfect for the picky. They come in fire, tree, water, earth, etc.

6) Harpires--Harpy Vampire. Built perfectly for snatching victims.

7) Vampiren--Siren Vampire. Not to be mistaken for mermaids, these creatures have voices that kill.

8) Gorgpires--Gorgon Vampire. For those that like snake..and not just the Slytherin-kind.

9) Dryadpires--Dryad Vampire. They may be shy, but don't be deceived. Oaks are not safe.

10) Vamptyrs--Satyr Vampire. Horny goatmen that suck blood. Nice.

Special Thanks to: 1) Kara , with whom I've collaborated elfpires and merpires when reminiscing about the "new" vampire. Thanks, K! 2) Elizabeth for her awesome quick-draw knowledge on mythological creatures. Gorgon, why didn't I think of that?

Remember to Exaggerate. A lot.

2009-11-02T20:25:00.001-07:00

And the topic for our Humor Monday is...

Over exaggeration.

A girl's bestfriend. Or, at least my bestfriend. Rawr!

Exaggeration is one of the best ways to be funny. According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary, to exaggerate is to stretch or "enlarge beyond bounds or the truth."

When you over exaggerate, you're stretching things so far it's something competely different. The result is usually amusement. Don't ask me why.

So, how does one exaggerate?

Simple: 1) Start with something common--a simple image. 2) Exaggerate/inflate/dramatize the hell out of it.

I'm a big fan of exaggeration. I find it in my writing all the time, which is half the reason I end up injuring myself every time I edit.

Here is an example I came up with while listening to the blessed sound of children screaming in the library.

Warning: Example may or may not be a good exaggeration.

This was much, much worse than when my last boyfriend dumped me for my little sister.

Apparently, a two minute difference is just kissing the 90 year old denture missing, whiskered mouth of your grandma Roxie.

Ah, I can already spot the crowsfeet and I'm barely 16.

#Tworror Winner--First Place!

2009-11-01T16:31:00.011-07:00

Wooohooo! I'm a published Tweeter! Or, does that make me a published author?

A while back, I mentioned some awesome Twitter competitions happening during the month of October.

Well, guess what?

I won 1st place for the Forever Nocturne #tworror competition.

Eeeeee! *jumps up and down*

Forever Nocturne is an E-zine (online magazine) run by @Jinxie_G and @SharonGerlach. It runs bi-annually (with issues releasing in March and October) and focuses on genres such as horror, paranormal, romance and the Modern Gothic Horror Romance.

Want to see my entry? Go to the E-zine page by clicking here and open the Volume I, Issue IV icon.

Or, copy and paste the following URL: http://www.fullmoonpressonline.com/FNOctober2009.pdf

Winners and the awesome honorable mentions are listed on page 5 and continue on page 33.

Make sure to check out the #tworror entries of the many talented writers in the Twitterverse and see what they can do with less than a 140 characters.

It's Halloween! Don't Write!

2009-10-31T12:38:00.001-06:00

What is that I see? An open word document?! Shut that at once. It's Halloween.

People don't write or edit or revise during Halloween.

Unless it's horror.

In which case do continue.

For everyone else: STOP!

And enjoy watching funny stuff on YouTube--with a special thanks to Kara for supplying me with said funny shit.

Happy Halloween everyone!

What I Want To Be For Halloween.

2009-10-30T00:08:00.000-06:00

Leah's List of Things She Would Like To Be For Halloween But Can't For Various Reasons:

1) Victorian Steampunk Zombie--woohooo!

2) Aviator Steampunk Vampire--not as cool at #1, but still....

3) Steampunk Death--forget the old school scythe, this one comes with gears

4) Mentally Insane Vampire Goddess--with elements of steampunk...

5) Zombie Hunter--steampunk style, baby.

Nope. Not this year, but definitely next year.

What do you want to be for Halloween?

"You Brought A Snack?" licks lips

2009-10-29T14:32:00.001-06:00

Today's post is inspired by yesterday's YouTube Twilight Parody, which you can also find here.

It's about vampires and food. Namely, how does that relationship work?

It's universally agreed that humans are the preferred vampire food. In fact, vampires easily kill and eat humans without any remorse. Most vampires, anyway.

So, is it normal for a vampire to fall in love with a human? Would it be similar to a human falling in love with a cow?

I understand that vampires were once human, and humans can be turned into vampires--it would make sense for a new vampire to still feel a connection to humans. Even fall in love with one. But how would a 200 year old vampire feel about all this?

Would a human-vampire romance be some freaky food-like fetish? Would they see a pretty human as "potential" to become a vampire, and thus non-food, yet still be a little disgusted with the thing until the transformation?

Would a vampire say, "Jesus, Devlen. Turn it before you fuck it, please?"

I'm interesting in your thoughts...

Of Comments and No Comments

2009-10-28T23:00:00.006-06:00

Eep!

I'd like to thank Velvet to letting me know that my blog is not allowing anyone to comment. And here I thought that I wasn't posting anything comment-worthy...

So, I'm investigating what is going wrong. My apologies to those who have been unable to comment recently, I'm not ignoring you guys and I'm definitely interested in what you have to say.

Stay tuned while I figure this thing out...

Oh, and test me your comments below! Gotta test? I wanna see it! Comment away!

UPDATE: And while testing a comment, enjoy something de-stressful. Like Twilight Parodies! *snickers*

Paranormal--What Is It?

2009-10-28T19:47:00.000-06:00

Paranormal Wednesday. Though I freaked out and initially thought it was Thursday. But it's not. I'm on schedule with all my posts. Phew!

What am I going to talk about today? What exactly is "paranormal."

Why? Because I recently created a paranormal book display and found myself explaining to many a co-worker what paranormal books were.

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, paranormal is something not explained by science.

In Latin, the word "para" means "above, against, counter"--so paranormal is something that is against or counter the norm.

That can mean magic, psychic phenomena, demons, ghosts, vampires, werewolves, UFOs, aliens, zombies, cryptzoology, you name it.

Which is why I believe that vampire urban fantasy can totally have aliens. Totally.

Starbucks adventure

2009-10-27T21:18:00.000-06:00

Turning into Starbucks parking lot, Cameron and I frown at the long line of cars.

Me: That bitch! *gasps* She just cut us off.

Cameron: What the fuck?

Me: We'll be waiting here forever.

Cameron: We're going inside. *growls*

Five minutes later, Cameron and I walk out with drinks in hand.

Cameron: I can't believe no one was inside.

Me: I know. *grins*

Cameron: That's the car that cut us off. *points* She hasn't even ordered yet!

I glance over and catch the look of surprise on driver's face. I wave.

Me: And that's where other people's laziness pays off.

Targeted Audience: Teen

2009-10-26T19:14:00.000-06:00

Another Humor Monday and today's focus is on your audience.

Know thy audience. This is true with any writing.

And, because I'm writing YA, I'll focus on teens.

Teens don't want to hear jokes about being divorced or changing diapers. Teens want to hear about themselves and what interests them. Jokes about vampires? Sure! Jokes about hemorrhoids? I don't think so.

I usually write humor about problems teen face, such as: shitty boyfriends/girlfriends, twitter (or anything online), technology, stupid parents (because when you're a teen, all parents are stupid), drugs, sex, ugly cars, annoying siblings, money (or lack thereof), the geeks, the jocks, and popculture.

It's simple, but it's to the point: If you're writing humor for teens, think like a teen.

And if you need help thinking like a teen, visit the local teen hangout and listen in on what they have to say.